It finally happened. Google’s algorithms connected my Googling with my shopping, and the results stunned me. Vera Bradley had emailed a coupon, one too hard to resist. So, I started to peruse the latest patterns and styles. When I clicked through to see what the bag might look like, something like this popped up.
Gone were the svelte models swinging their bags over their shoulder with a look in their eye that said they had it all. Now the model, who has a normal body, is swinging the bag by her knees.
Now don’t get me wrong. This model is beautiful.
It’s just that I don’t see myself as begin overweight. The “o” word lurks behind me in the shadow of my consciousness. But I have struggled with my weight for most of my life, especially since we came out of the pandemic and into the endemic. Lately I have realized that my safety cushion is a relic from a traumatic childhood. And it is going to take more than just dieting and working out to get rid of it, especially since my cortisol levels must be sky high for fear of Covid 19. Not to mention my stress levels….ugh.
I’m working on it. And I have made a promise to be gentle with myself. It’s been quite a year.
But seeing heavier models whenever I look online for clothes has made me stop shopping. I prefer to keep my oversized shirts and pants.
Seeing a model who looks more like me felt like an invasion of privacy. Was Google sending Vera Bradley messages about my weight? Who else were they sharing my “how to lose weight after 50” searches?
Weight challenges are personal. But I felt that suddenly my issue had become public property. I know that privacy doesn’t exist on the internet, yet this felt like a purposeful violation.
Did I say I stopped shopping for clothes online?
Which means that Google has inadvertently done the opposite of what advertisers expected.
That’s ironic, isn’t it?
Namaste
Meandering Through Midlife 
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