Category: Covid 19

Covid 19

And then I got it…twice.

meanderingthroughmidlife

I made it through the pandemic without getting Covid. I had all the boosters available to me, including one last September. I carried hand sanitizer and wipes. I avoided crowds.

But last October, I had Depeche Mode tickets. DM has provided the soundtrack of my life. I’ve seen them before, three times, albeit twenty-something years ago. But learning about Andy Fletcher’s death made me beg my hubby for tickets. I didn’t care how much they were, because let’s be honest. Memento Mori may very well be their last tour. And tonight is the finale in Cologne, Germany. Gee, I’d give anything to be there. But I digress.

My friend and I hopped on the train to NYC on that exceedingly warm October night. For three hours I stood, sang, and danced with thousands of other fifty-somethings like me. MSG was filled with voices singing each lyric while music pulsed beneath our feet and through our bodies. I hadn’t felt so alive in so long that I didn’t want it to end. The energy was palpable, and I was twenty-three again.

Until three days later when I was suddenly achy. I was a bit nauseous. My throat was sore. So I took one test, then two. The two pink lines showed up before the required fifteen-minute wait time.

I was terrified and ran to Urgent Care. Their rapid test came back negative. I called my GP to let her know about the home tests and ask for Paxlovid. And then came the rapid-fire decisions one makes when having Covid. Where to isolate. Notify work. Let my friends and co-workers I had been in contact with know I could have passed it on. Figure out who would take care of the dog, the cats, our teenager, my hubby. Write work plans. Order groceries and all the other things one does when one feels they are the household CEO. I had to return to Urgent Care for a PCR test for work. That came back positive…

As the CDC suggested, I shut the door on the world for five days. At first, I was restless. Then I was tired. Next, I binged some Netflix series, read a bit, colored in my mandala coloring book, and doom scrolled through the hours. By about day three, I was content. My world had stopped and I could take a breath. I almost didn’t want to come out. Day four was cleaning day. On day five I emerged from my cocoon, happy to be with my family again. Day seven, I tested negative. No more Paxlovid iron taste in the back of my mouth, just the plastic air from the K95 mask.

No one else in my house got Covid.

I figured I had won.

Until our son got it for Christmas. And my hubby got it on Valentine’s Day. And despite spending five days on the living room couch, I got it a second time.

The insurance company denied my request for Paxlovid, despite this time I was wheezing so bad that I could hardly talk. It took two days, some threats, and two hours on the phone to get the script. A work friend suggested I come in masked since I was fever free. I thought they were joking and stayed home, blowing through most of my sick time.

No one seemed to care that I could be contagious.

Who gets Covid twice in four months? I did.

Work is a cesspool of germs. And the protocols once offered don’t exist anymore. There isn’t any hand sanitizer or wipes available in the classrooms. And so many kids come to school sick. Worse, some people admit that they don’t bother testing their kiddos anymore, I mean the pandemic “ended” years ago, right?

Then three weeks after having Covid, my husband had a cardiac event. We spent some time in an emergency room. Did you know that Covid can affect your heart muscle?

But Covid’s over, right?

My favorite track on Memento Mori is “People are Good.” “Keep telling myself that people are good. Whisper it under my breath. So I don’t forget.”

I hope we do a better job of caring for one another. Less “me”, and more “we”.

Covid 19

Day 62: Loosening Restrictions

meanderingthroughmidlife

brown rope tangled and formed into heart shape on brown wooden rail
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

So…what does it really mean to loosen restrictions?  And how many ways can someone interpret this?

Turns out that there is a scale of perception regarding the loosening restrictions in NJ.  Next week the beaches and lakes will be open….with new restrictions of course.  The parks are open again, and non-essential businesses will be open for curbside pick-up.

We are supposed to stay at home and only go out for “the essentials” until June 5th.  There is still the suggested curfew to be off the roads from 8:00 p.m. to 5:00 a.m. unless you are an essential worker.

But pictures of people flooding the Point Pleasant Beach board walk, with masks and bathing suits were front and center of the news.  Some parks had to be closed early because they reached fifty percent capacity quickly.

Yet, this weekend you could feel the change in the air.  There was traffic on the main roads by my home and some acted like they had never driven before.  I needed to take two trips to Home Depot, and while everyone wore masks, not everyone practiced social distancing.  The store was the busiest I have seen it in months.  And I admit, that I was uncomfortable.  I couldn’t wait to bathe in hand sanitizer once I got in my car.

And we had a friend over, the first since February, to help celebrate our birthdays.  We sat outside and had a fire, chatting about our views of the pandemic, what we have been doing to keep our mind off of things, and who we have lost to Covid.

We weren’t the only ones with gatherings.  Neighbors we haven’t seen in months had a family dinner.  Across the street, the family had two gatherings.  Then behind us there was an extended family gathering.

Things feel different.

Not sure what that means, if anything.  But I would be naive if I thought things would go back to “normal”.

Namaste

 

 

Covid 19

Mother’s Day During Covid 19

meanderingthroughmidlife

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I hope all you Moms out there who come across this had an awesome day.  While I know Mother’s Day can be especially difficult for some, for those who lost their mother, or who have been unable to conceive,  both of which I have experienced, traditionally today is supposed to be a happy one.

It was a happy day for me.  I woke up to find a homemade banner hanging in the kitchen, and the paper crown around pale blue hydrangeas, my favorites.  We had breakfast together, Zoom church, and a nice walk in the park.  We played some Jenga  and I took a nap, imagine that.  But it was when we were preparing dinner, that I noticed our neighbors behind us had company.  I left the kitchen to shut the front door and noticed that across the street a few cars pulled up.  Someone got out with flowers, another with a covered dish.

I couldn’t help but stare.

This is first year we’ve been home during for Mother’s Day.  Normally we would take the hour drive north to see my grandma in her nursing home, then we would travel to my aunt’s house for dinner.

I was jealous.  I wanted to see my family too.  But we are social distancing.  And I was feeling a bit frustrated.  Then I wondered if my aunt was having dinner with her daughter, my cousin.  We were the only ones alone?

These are the kind of thoughts that can race through your mind during this pandemic.  I am sure I am not alone.  Everyone is trying to figure out what is the best thing for them to do, for themselves, and their families.

Some will shelter in place.  Some will go out whenever they want.  Some will live somewhere in between the extremes.  Just the other day I saw a Covid 19 scale, just like terror threat scale.  And I took a moment to consider whether I was a 2 or 3.

Maybe that is where we are today.  Figuring out what to do on an individual basis.  Deciding where we stand.  States are doing their own things.  Towns making their own decisions.

All the while, people are still dying from COVID 19 and children are coming down with horrible inflammation.

What will happen next?

Namaste

 

 

Covid 19

Day 51: “It’s the End of the World…as we know it.”

meanderingthroughmidlife

 

sky earth galaxy universe

R.E.M.’s iconic song’s second verse begins with “Eye of a hurricane, listen to yourself churn.”  I’ve been churning a lot lately.  And I think I have come to accept that there are gonna be days when I just want to cry.  Not just once, but sporadically throughout the day.

Why? Because I am grieving.  We all are.

I’ve tried to stay in the eye of this hurricane, but it’s not easy and often I get sucked into the maelstrom of Covid 19.  Take Monday.  I knew Governor Murphy would tell the public that schools would be closed for the rest of this year.  But the announcement reduced me to a puddle in my favorite chair.  I huddled up with a blanket, processing the fact that I would not be returning to my students in our classrooms.  And then there is the grieving I do for my son, who changes school next year. There will be no class trip, no final band performance.  We’ll be lucky if his yearbook shows up at the house.  Worse, he won’t see kids his own age for the foreseeable future.

How the hell can you lock up your kid for what looks like will be the next 18 to 24 months?

I am grateful, don’t get me wrong, that my DH and I are still working.  We have a home, not just a house, and lots of virtual support from friends and family.

But to wrap your brain around what is going on is mind blowing.  It’s just not that easy to get your shit together to move forward.  What’s upsetting me the most is the new symptoms kids are getting in NY, Europe, and Georgia.  I no longer question whether or not our son will have the opportunity to go to a science camp, but should he.

And then there are the crazy stories: African American gets shot while jogging in Georgia.  Two McDonald’s workers are shot when they remind customers that the dining room is closed.  Men armed with assault weapons storm a state capital to protest social distancing restrictions.

Maybe I should be singing Tears for Fears’ “It’s A Mad World”.

Take care reader.

 

Covid 19

Day 49: A Day to Cry

meanderingthroughmidlife

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This is all I have wanted to do the past couple of days.  I just wanted to shut out the world, go to sleep, and wake up 50 days ago.  Just think…how would you have spent New Year’s Eve if you were prescient about Covid 19?

For no good reason, I’ve been sad.  It started yesterday while I was shopping in the local Target.  Everyone wore masks, but not everyone kept their distance.  There were the fearful shoppers, the “just get it done” shoppers, and the “I am out shopping” shoppers.  I think I envy the last group.  They seemed to enjoy being in the store and checking out the goods.  They were having fun. And I thought, “How the hell can you be having fun?”  I should have been asking “why the hell can’t I have fun like that?”

Today we learned that NJ schools will be closed through June.  I know we need to do this to stay safe, but I cried.  I cried because I will not have the chance to see my students in a physical classroom again. I cried for the students I had last year, who are seniors now, who won’t have the usual graduation, or prom, or other usual rites of passage.  I cried because my son, who is about to change schools, will miss the class trip, the end of the year party, and most importantly, saying thank you to his teachers in person.

I grieve for the idea that we will live like this for the next twenty-four months.  What happens to children when you isolate them for so long?  What does it do to the human psyche to be isolated for so long?  How many of my family members will die?  How many friends?

I already have friends who are experiencing financial loss, or who have had a death in the family due to Covid.

You see, I have come to the conclusion that we can no longer see this through.  We need to figure how to live in this new normal.  Each of us will have to make decisions on what we are comfortable, on what risks we are willing to take.  We will have to support those who are working so hard to develop treatments and vaccines, and those who working to heal us when we need it.

Namaste, reader.

Covid 19

Day 45: Doors

meanderingthroughmidlife

silhouette photo of person holding door knob
Photo by George Becker on Pexels.com

Dear Reader,

Have you thought about the importance of doors during a pandemic?  Probably no.  But the past couple of days I’ve been thinking a lot about doors.  The first door is the side door, the one I use to enter and exit the home.  Twice a week I grab my Lysol wipes and begin with this door to disinfect common surfaces.

Then there is the front door, which I often leave open to have sunlight pour through the storm door and fill up the living room.  I also feel it is more inviting to have the front door open.  It let’s others know that are not afraid.

From the front door, I turn to the sliding doors that look out onto our modest backyard.  This door is my first window on the world in the morning.  It is also the door my cats tend to use as an escape hatch to dash out into the wild grass to munch, or to hop onto the outdoor furniture to look back at we humans with a mocking gaze.  I often dash out of this door after them, knowing that they too are at risk for contracting Covid 19.

From this door I think about my son’s bedroom door.  Being a tween in Covid 19 may be especially difficult.  It has been an occasion to shut the door at various times during the day to seal my son’s existence off from the rest of the world.  It allows him to hide his disappearance into his online existence with his friends, the best part of his day.

From a bedroom door, I think about the blue room’s door, which is shut during the day as my spouse has taken over my writing room for it to serve as his temporary office.

Doors during the pandemic help us manage ourselves.  They are signals that let us know when someone needs time alone, or it’s okay to approach.

There are days when all the doors in our home are open.  And then there are the days when the three of us are behind closed doors.  I’ve come value the doors in our home during this pandemic.  How about you?

Namaste

Covid 19

Day 42: Whoops, I skipped a day.

meanderingthroughmidlife

inspirational quotes on a planner
Photo by Bich Tran on Pexels.com

Dear Reader,

Never did I think I would blog forty days in a row, nor did I ever speculate that I would have to stay home during a pandemic.  I’ve been thinking that it’s time to return to some fiction.  Not that I will neglect you, only that I will be blogging a bit less in the upcoming weeks.

Today our governor laid out six steps to reopening NJ, and it looks like we can’t even begin step one, which means much of the same through May.  This is the seventh week of strict social distancing in NJ, and it’s challenging not to feel frustrated.  And while I have read enough horror stories about Covid’s effects on the heart, lungs, and other body parts, I feel a bit green when I see life going back to normal in other parts of the country.

And then I read this article and I just wanted to cry.

This is what life is like during a pandemic: a combination of highs and lows.  There are days when the skies are blue, the sun shines, and we play outside together as a family.  We will light a fire in our chiminea and sip drinks in our wicker chairs as our cats play beneath our feet.  You would never know that we are living during a pandemic.  And then there are days where the three of us are sick of each other.  On these days, which ironically happen to be rainy most of the time, we retreat to the furthest three corners of our ranch home.  There we sit silently with our own thoughts, or play with our devices to shut the others out.

The other day I was shocked when our dear neighbor wandered into our backyard.  She made a big deal about standing twenty feet away, but eventually settled into a chair ten feet from us.  Then the three of us had an actually face to face conversation.  It was great! I often wonder why this doesn’t happen more often, after all the rules say 10 people can gather with appropriate social distancing.  But our friends and family members have retreated to their homes and many have pulled up their draw bridges vowing not to come out.  There is so much fear that you can practically taste it if you do venture out.

Which makes me wonder, if NJ did begin to lessen restrictions, would people leave their homes?  Would they go to a store and shop?  Eat at a restaurant?  Go to a movie?

I don’t know.

Today’s weather reflected my mood.  Gray, then rain, a bit of sun, and back to gray again.

Let me know how you are dealing with the realities this pandemic has dropped on our doorsteps.

Be well!

Namaste

 

 

Covid 19, Uncategorized

Day 40: Sh*#$ Got Real

meanderingthroughmidlife

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Something feels Biblical about my 40th Covid 19 Entry.  For 40 days and 40 nights we have been at home.  There have been highs, and a few lows.  But today, things got real.

My AARP Invite showed up in my mailbox.  At first I chuckled, then I flipped the envelope over a few times in my hands.  AARP?  Really?  I still have a couple of weeks before THE BIG BIRTHDAY.   But still, THE BIG BIRTHDAY became a bit more real today.

It’s odd really, I don’t feel what I expect 50 to feel like.  When I was in high school, I thought 50 would be the year of freedom.  We were told we could retire at 50.  Just like I was told so many things about life that turned out to be untrue.  But 50?  50 means I am over the hill, right?

And there is so much more I had expected to do before 50.  So many places I wanted to travel to,  so many things I had once expected to accomplish.  And then there were the expectations.

One of the things I have learned being almost 50 is that looking back at the should’ves and could’ves doesn’t serve me at all.  And one of the things that Covid 19 has taught me is that you shouldn’t bank on expectations.  Our lives can be turned upside down and inside out at any time.  We live in a time of chaos.

May we have peace and serenity soon again.

And may I walk forward into 50 with grace…after two weeks.

Namaste

 

Covid 19

Day 39: Getting a dog during the pandemic may be harder than you think.

meanderingthroughmidlife

 

 

medium short coated white dog on white textile
Photo by Simona Kidrič on Pexels.com

I tried my best not to look at my email today.  But sometime after noon, I found that Petfinder had “found” five new dogs for me.  I had to look.  And when I logged in, I found out that the dog I had applied for had been adopted.  And I hadn’t even heard back from the rescue group.  I had been told to wait two weeks, then call.

Truthfully, I was a bit crushed.

I knew it would be challenging to adopt a dog during the pandemic.  I understood that there is a rush on four-legged friends.  But I wasn’t aware of how the news of someone else adopting the dog we wanted would bring me down.

Then tonight, a friend texted that I wanted to call her.  She had been contacted by the breeder…they do ask for references.  After a lengthy conversation, the breeder told her we had been approved.

My son almost cried.  He is so excited.  The email came from the breeder moments later that we will have a dog in a couple months.  I am elated.

Before I texted family, I hopped on a website to order some basic supplies.  These days things take a long time to be delivered to NJ, and I wanted to make sure that everything we need is here.  Yeah, it might be a bit early to think about crates, leashes, and bowls, but you never now.  We have been waiting for an Amazon shipment nearly a month.

So tonight was awesome! I love feeling happy again!  And to be so excited after being stressed, worried, and aggravated because of her Covid circumstance, feels great.

I’m gonna leave you reader, and relish the moment. 🙂

Namaste

Covid 19

Day 38: About that Dog…

meanderingthroughmidlife

two yellow labrador retriever puppies
Photo by Chevanon Photography on Pexels.com

I am impatient.  Or should I say that I can be impatient.  So I’ve been checking my email non-stop looking for something from one of the two rescue sites I’ve contacted.  Nothing.  The only person responding to my emails, and they are numerous, is the breeder selling Westies.

So I went online to read articles about adopting/buying a pooch during a pandemic.  There is even the term “pandemic puppy”.  This article was the first one I read.  I could totally imagine myself just bring home a dog and letting the chips fall.  Only I chose not to since for us getting a dog is a bit more complicated: we have two cats.

Apparently my penchant for a pandemic puppy is not unique.  The Boston Globe isn’t the only publication that is covering the run on adopting or fostering dogs, and purchasing puppies.  Seems like puppies is the American pacifier during this pandemic.  Glad to know I am in good company!

But getting a dog is not that simple, especially during  Covid 19.  Most rescue organization not only require multiple references, the name of a vet, and questions about fences, they ask for a home visit.  How is that possible?  The breeder also requires everything, but the home visit.  And we won’t be able to meet the pet in advance, which is a little worrying.  We will have to pick him out by his mug shot.

So at this point, I have filled out three applications.  I have only received verification from one, the breeder, that she is looking at it.  Feeling a bit better that I have done my part, I hope to sleep well tonight.

Next, I wait.

Ugh.

Or should I say “ruff”.