R.E.M.’s iconic song’s second verse begins with “Eye of a hurricane, listen to yourself churn.” I’ve been churning a lot lately. And I think I have come to accept that there are gonna be days when I just want to cry. Not just once, but sporadically throughout the day.
Why? Because I am grieving. We all are.
I’ve tried to stay in the eye of this hurricane, but it’s not easy and often I get sucked into the maelstrom of Covid 19. Take Monday. I knew Governor Murphy would tell the public that schools would be closed for the rest of this year. But the announcement reduced me to a puddle in my favorite chair. I huddled up with a blanket, processing the fact that I would not be returning to my students in our classrooms. And then there is the grieving I do for my son, who changes school next year. There will be no class trip, no final band performance. We’ll be lucky if his yearbook shows up at the house. Worse, he won’t see kids his own age for the foreseeable future.
How the hell can you lock up your kid for what looks like will be the next 18 to 24 months?
I am grateful, don’t get me wrong, that my DH and I are still working. We have a home, not just a house, and lots of virtual support from friends and family.
But to wrap your brain around what is going on is mind blowing. It’s just not that easy to get your shit together to move forward. What’s upsetting me the most is the new symptoms kids are getting in NY, Europe, and Georgia. I no longer question whether or not our son will have the opportunity to go to a science camp, but should he.
And then there are the crazy stories: African American gets shot while jogging in Georgia. Two McDonald’s workers are shot when they remind customers that the dining room is closed. Men armed with assault weapons storm a state capital to protest social distancing restrictions.
Maybe I should be singing Tears for Fears’ “It’s A Mad World”.
Take care reader.
Meandering Through Midlife 
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