teaching – Meandering Through Midlife

Changes by David Bowie has been haunting me of late.

It’s been a while since I’ve written anything. And that’s because I’m about to make a change, a big one. A work one. For years I have waited for this. Many years I cried about this not happening. But now that it is here…

Change in middle life is both invigorating and disorienting. For the past month I’ve had one foot out the door, and the other running to keep up with end of the school year activities. It’s no easy feat keeping 8th graders engaged in June.

And in between their demands, I’ve been thinking about my next teaching adventure. Textbooks have been mailed to me. I had the opportunity to visit my new school. New curricula has been bound up in binders and put in my hands. I’ve been able to meet a few new colleagues. And I’ve been recording question after question as they pop in my head.

But this week I will leave the job I’ve had for the past seventeen years. Yup. Seventeen. I’ve plucked seventeen years worth of stuff from my room, tossing much of it, and saving some. Old projects. Essay prompts. Worksheets. Books.

Saying goodbye to my colleagues will be the most challenging. I’ve had to commit to the end of the year party, because it is my end. Just like I dropped in on the 8th Grade dance, because it was my last. And bought a yearbook too. Because I want to remember this class.

But part of me just wants to walk out the door on Thursday as if nothing has happened.

The excitement for THE CHANGE is still there.

But it is pushed back by GOODBYE.

And then I think about the WHY.

For this is about ME. Not my students. Not my colleagues. Just little old me. Midlife crisis? Maybe. But I feel confident enough at this stage to figure out what I want. And to go after it. Some of my colleagues look at me and wonder. Why am I not sticking it out until I retire? Because I am worth it. I am worth the risk of CHANGE to increase my happiness, to reinvigorate my passion for teaching, and enjoy my life.

So I challenge you to not just be content. Be awesome! Change. Life is short. And you might be like me…in the middle of it.

Happy Writing!

JMonell

point of view

Today a colleague celebrated her birthday.

And I am twice her age.

In fact, I remember when she was a student at the school when I first started teaching. While she was not my student, I can remember her walking through the hallways with friends, laughing and happy.

So as I munched on bagels with other teachers this morning, wishing her congrats between bites, I pondered about what makes us different, besides our age.

The newer colleagues think differently. While I felt that earning the salary I do was the reward for years of dedicated service, they feel that I should work harder because I get paid more. Working nights and weekends is commonplace even though I am nearly twenty-years into my career. Many of the newer ones walk out at 3:15 without any papers, bags, or chromebooks. And if I stay late, only we veterans can still be found at the copy machine after 4:00 p.m. Some younger colleagues are so attached to their cell phones that I watch them play their games as they walk into the bathrooms. I hide every glance at my muted phone buried within my purse. During faculty meetings, I look forward to hearing from our union rep. Others pack up, peck at their phone, or peer behind colleagues at the parking lot. I struggle with new tech. I used to struggle with tech period. Younger colleagues dance circles around me with the latest apps and extensions, and I cling to the old ways: Let’s read aloud together. What’s wrong with paper?

At first, I was frustrated. I didn’t understand why people can’t follow the rules. You know, the rules that have been in perpetuity that govern how we act at work. Only my work world is now inside out. The rules are no longer the rules because of younger populist opinion. Civility between colleagues is relegated to social media where we behave as is we like each other, alot. We are supposed to be one unit, one team. Instead the divide between old and new has become more apparent and wider than ever.

There’s this idiom: if you can’t beat them, join them. So I decided to listen. I tried to feel them out. Look for explanations. Find common ground. I kept silent and heard their suggestions, some of which were very good.

And while I may not agree with their all their beliefs, and codes for living, I do feel that I understand why so many of the younger colleagues act the way they do.

And I try not to judge them.

But it’s hard.

And I feel old.

Which is why I run home so many nights with dreams of writing flowing as I grip the car’s steering wheel.

JMonell

Tag: teaching

Changes

The Great Divide