summer – Meandering Through Midlife

Video shows crowded pool party in Missouri

How was your Memorial Day?

Here in NJ, the beaches were open, and Governor Murphy made a last minute decree that groups of twenty-five could gather outside, if the individuals practiced social distancing. And of course, masks are strongly encouraged.

To give some context, we have nine million residents in NJ. There have been a little over 11, 330 deaths. 156, 628 people in the state have had Covid 19. But the number of deaths is dropping, as well as the number of hospitalizations.

You can feel a change. There are more people on the roads. My local grocery store is less crowded, but the Home Depot is more crowded. I have glimpsed gatherings on all sides of us. And we have had our own outdoors social distancing gathering too.

That might shock some.

But the truth is our mental health needed it. And for those few hours, life felt almost “normal”, the way it used to.

This is especially true for my son. Just the other night we spoke about his Covid anxieties, which are largely driven by wearing a mask, and glimpses of news coverage on the television. His eyes had grown dark bags, and his complexion was pale. Too many hours indoors, and too much screen time, for which I kinda blame myself, except…it is the only social interaction he gets. His Tweenish self was often grumpy or downright distraught.

This weekend, that changed. He had a bike ride with a friend. Six feet apart. Another friend came over to swim in our “ghetto pool”, an inflated monstrosity that just allows you to get wet, but you can float in it. He went to another friend’s house to play outside and ride bikes.

And I know that there are those who are thinking “WTF. Are you crazy?” Maybe. But gone are the black bags under his eyes. He slept better over the weekend than he has in months. He is smiling again.

And I did too.

Parenting in the time of Covid may be the hardest. How do you know what is best? Yes, you can keep your munchkin locked up for the next God knows how long, or you can loosen the rules a bit and practice social distancing. With summer camps being canceled, and kids having nothing to do, each of us has to make some tough decisions.

Forget summer. I’ve been thinking a lot about September and what that will look like. One thing is for sure, with our overcrowded schools everyone can’t attend at the same time and practice the social distancing rules. We are going to need more than one mental health expert in our schools. Academics needs to take a back seat. Kids don’t learn when they are stressed. And Covid 19 has stressed many of them to the point of breaking.

In the meantime, I write on our calendar the names of the kids our son has been in contact with. We only allow one kid to come over at a time, and right now, it looks like we might have four possibilities throughout the summer. I cleaned the bathroom after the one child came in and used it. I Clorox wiped the kitchen too…just in case. And I Lysoled the outside furniture enough to scare off the bugs.

My kid has been to Petco once since the pandemic began. Today I took him for ice cream. And that made him twitch.

There were only a handful of new cases in our county today. And as long as this seems to be the trend, we will continue to provide opportunities for him to hang out responsibly with his friends. This necessitates delicate conversations to establish the other families’ comfort. A few have said okay. Some have said “let’s wait”. It’s only May. I hope we will see most of them before the summer ends.

But if things should get bad again. We will lock our doors and pull up the drawbridge to our mote…just kidding. But we will retreat to our rooms and devices and wait, hugging each other until happier days arrive.

Namaste

pool

July’s humidity has been thick, just as thick as the political quagmire we all play in. And one place this is most evident is the pool club.

No, I do not work during the summer other than prepping for next year’s students or learning new pedagogy. And before you start to gripe, just remember I don’t get paid either. Instead my work shifts to home work. I become a full time mommy.

One way I fill the time for my munchkin is by joining a pool.

We have been members of the same pool club, which happens to be in a neighboring town, for the past four years. So Munchkin and I hop into the car, which is filled with towels, tubes, and other toys, and drive over in the afternoons.

Now our club has this Dirty Dancing feel, a real throwback to the 60s. They have shuffle board, and a diving board. There are even games set up for the kids to play during adult swim! And a few times a month, they hire a DJ and stay open late.

It has that country club feel without the price of one.

But when it comes to picking out a seat….Mommy beware! Choosing your seat means more than just sitting poolside. Your seat is like one of J.K. Rowling’s sorting hats.

See, there is the Yummy Mommy section, the place where slim, fit moms of three huddle with their Yeti coolers stuffed with kid treats. They often have plush lounge chair covers and Joe Shade umbrella perched just behind them. They talk about soccer coaches, camps, and clothes.

Catty corner to them is the new mom’s section. They are often found hovering near the steps, holding their munchkins’ feet dangling just above the water. They can be seen spraying sun-tan lotion and pulling on shirts or hats.

Towards the deep end are the older moms, or at least the ones with older kids. Some sit in pairs and chat, while others glance up from their books every so often to see if their kid made it off the diving board in one piece.

Behind them, sitting on the grass under the club’s umbrellas, are often the older members of the club. They can be the most friendly.

Closest to the snack bar there is an overhang. This is where the shade lovers sit, huddling close together to shun the sun.

Then there is the click of teachers, which I can finally say after three years I can join. We talk about September woes and Summer jobs. This is the group that grows closer in late August as other moms gossip about their child’s new teacher. Late August is the most painful, yet instructive time. It always amazes me how crass and callous people can be.

It took time to “fit” into a group.

The first few years I felt just as uncomfortable as my kid. During adult swim I would try out casual conversation. Then I bought a Joe Shade umbrella. I told myself I was buying this because I had a suspicious mole removed off my back. I picked green because most of the club members had blue and red. Then I pushed my munchkin to play with other munchkins. Part of this was getting him to pass the deep water test. His success opened up social portals for us both. And this year, I too went to Christmas Tree shop to pick up a lounge chair cover. It’s aqua blue if you’re curious. Now I match a few other mommies.

So finally, I can swipe my card, enter, and find a friendly face. A few mommies even know my name. My munchkin plays with other kids. And I am comfortable in this throwback setting, sitting under an umbrella poolside…aware of politics.

Happy swimming!

JMonell

Tag: summer

Day 72: Is it over yet? Or…should we or shouldn’t we?

Pool Politics