Last night I was sitting outside in our yard with a fine beverage and my family. DH had loaded the chiminea with wood, albeit damp wood, and we set the first fire of the season in our modest backyard. It was beautiful out. Cool. No bugs. Nearly perfect, except for Covid 19’s shadow.
A friend texted me and noted that the President was about to address the nation. It was nearly 7:00 p.m. on Palm Sunday night. I chose to stay outside and catch up on the headlines later, not because I don’t care, but because my anxiety is like Gossamer from Bugs Bunny.
It was a few hours later when I caught the clips by skimming through the news feed. The first was of Trump advising Americans to go home to pray. The second, was Dr. Birx telling Americans that “this is not the time to go grocery shopping or pick up medications.”
My stomach dropped. My palms started to sweat. My heart beat so hard behind my rib cage I thought it might burst. Go home and pray? No food shopping or getting meds for two weeks? But I’m supposed to pick up my refill tomorrow! We don’t have enough food for TWO weeks.
This haunted me as I got ready for bed. My brain ran through all different permutations of what could happen today. Morning doctor appointment. Deal with the cable company. Food shop? Pick up refill after 3:00 p.m. And then there was that nagging what I am supposed to remember? Oh yeah, get in line at bank drive through for cash. (ATMs are closed).
This must be armageddon.
Today was beautiful outside, the best day so far of the year. And I dashed from errand to errand like a lunatic. Worse, I blew through money at the grocery story to “stock up so I wouldn’t have to go out again for the next two weeks” at a frightening rate. By the time I finished, my face was sweaty from my mask. My stomach was in knots. And I finished my errands….all on a day when I was supposed to not go out at all. This added more stress.
Did you know that stress weakens your immune system?
A week ago there was no directive to wear face masks in public. And while I had stocked up on groceries two weeks ago, as directed, my family and I ate it. We are home after all.
All I want is for clear directives given with plenty of time to react accordingly. It feels that we have been bouncing back and forth on directives for a while, which adds to the chaos. If you don’t know something, don’t make up bullshit to make it look like you know.
If I am not so stressed, I will make better decisions as a citizen. Maybe I’ll even splurge on take out. And I will feel better and want to go out of my way to help others.
Covid 19 is scary.
But our response doesn’t have to be.
Namaste
Meandering Through Midlife 
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