Public Vs. Private

Sorry I’ve been gone so long.  I started my new job in September and while it is exciting, it is exhausting.  Truth is that change doesn’t come easy to me.  And there has been a lot of change lately.

The photo above is of one of my favorite places.  Summer vacation on the Cape is a retreat for me.

But this year it was challenging to retreat into my private world.  The political landscape has planted landmines in many people’s paths.  And social media is ripe with visceral attacks on one’s beliefs and character.

This past week the Kavanaugh hearings gripped the nation.

I couldn’t bear to watch.

Dr. Ford’s testimony revealed what must have been one of her greatest private agonies.  And she spoke with grace.

Yet the public pounced.  Some vilified Kavanugh.  Others, Dr. Ford.

And  I wondered where is the line between public and private these days?  Twenty-something years ago, I wrote a thesis regarding the division of public and private in women’s lives during the Elizabethan era.  It’s a topic that has grabbed my attention for a long time.

Today, many post images, or write snippets of text, revealing private feelings, or feelings they want their audience to think are private.  How often do you peruse your social media and find someone who seems to have it all, based upon the images revealed, or events retold?  Social media allows its participants to create a narrative for a specified audience.

And in other forms of media, people’s private lines slash across the page.  Gossip seems to fuel much of our communication these days.  We read about celebrities, or normal day folks, spending a lot of time reading other stories without thinking about our own.  It’s escapism in the face of narcissistic selfies that we take with our mini-computers perched perilously on poles.

If any one dares to be private, then we judge them.

We wonder what they have to hide.  Or why they don’t participate in our new technological social arena?  We think there is something wrong with them.

I bet many people spent much of their time worried about what others think of them, instead of thinking of what they think of themselves.  It’s exhausting to keep up a shiny veneer.

And if perchance, your point of view is antithetical to someone else’s, be prepared for an attack.  Many choose to strike first wielding hateful words on a keyboard, keeping their face hidden.

None of this is healthy.

We need boundaries, emotional and social.

I grew up in an error where speaking about politics or religion was forbidden when company called.  You wouldn’t dare air your “dirty laundry” about yourself, or your family.

Speaking of family: this weekend I attended a cousin’s wedding, a second wedding.  It was to be small, just a few friends and family in a backyard tent.  A few of my friends asked some personal questions, or smirked a bit.  I admit, I was feeling a bit judgmental also.

But watching my cousin and her groom share hand-written vows, both with tears in their eyes, made me realized how true their love is.  And I understood just how intimate their wedding was, and how precious it was that I was asked to bear witness.  They were filled with gratitude for those who had come.  And I thought how I really don’t know my cousin as well as I should.

We need boundaries between our privacy and the public world.  We need to respect those boundaries.  We need to agree that it is okay to disagree.

There needs to be a clear division between what should be public  and what should be private.  And that is a personal decision.  But if we agreed to respect certain boundaries, then maybe HATE wouldn’t spread as rapidly as it has the past couple of years.

Write on!

J. Monell