Changes

Changes  by David Bowie has been haunting me of late.

It’s been a while since I’ve written anything.   And that’s because I’m about to make a change, a big one.  A work one.  For years I have waited for this.  Many years I cried about this not happening.  But now that it is here…

Change in middle life is both invigorating and disorienting.  For the past month I’ve had one foot out the door, and the other running to keep up with end of the school year activities.  It’s no easy feat keeping 8th graders engaged in June.

And in between their demands, I’ve been thinking about my next teaching adventure.  Textbooks have been mailed to me.  I had the opportunity to visit my new school.  New curricula has been bound up in binders and put in my hands.  I’ve been able to meet a few new colleagues.  And I’ve been recording question after question as they pop in my head.

But this week I will leave the job I’ve had for the past seventeen years.  Yup.  Seventeen.  I’ve plucked seventeen years worth of stuff from my room, tossing much of it, and saving some.  Old projects.  Essay prompts.  Worksheets. Books.

Saying goodbye to my colleagues will be the most challenging.  I’ve had to commit to the end of the year party, because it is my end.  Just like I dropped in on the 8th Grade dance, because it was my last.  And bought a yearbook too. Because I want to remember this class.

But part of me just wants to walk out the door on Thursday as if nothing has happened.

The excitement for THE CHANGE is still there.

But it is pushed back by GOODBYE.

And then I think about the WHY.

For this is about ME.  Not my students.  Not my colleagues.  Just little old me.  Midlife crisis?  Maybe.  But I feel confident enough at this stage to figure out what I want.  And to go after it.  Some of my colleagues look at me and wonder.  Why am I not sticking it out until I retire?  Because I am worth it.  I am worth the risk of CHANGE to increase my happiness, to reinvigorate my passion for teaching, and enjoy my life.

So I challenge you to not just be content.  Be awesome!  Change.  Life is short.  And you might be like me…in the middle of it.

Happy Writing!

JMonell