Stress and Writing, or the not of…

I am blessed.  I thrive on stress.  Usually.

But as I get older, I have noticed that just behind Stress is Distress.  Burn out actually, which is followed by RAGE.

There was a time when working full-time, going to graduate school, and trying to write felt like juggling oranges.  Sweet ones.  But now, I feel like the oranges are on fire.

So I make deals with myself.  I will start writing again when… the house is cleaned, the students’ essays are graded, Nana’s party arrangements are made, make it to the gym once per week, sign Munchkin up for camp, soccer season ends, school calms down, etc., etc., etc.

My life becomes like the pet hamster in his exercise ball.  I can see the end, but I keep rolling over and over and over.  I can’t break through the clear block to actually do something.  The frenetic energy makes me feel like the Taz from Looney Tunes stuck in slime, the kind you make with your kid on a rainy day with food coloring and Elmer’s.  Insert image here.

Writing during these moments rarely happens because as I plod along further into middle age, my tolerance decreases and I fall back to “But life was supposed to be like…”  Thoughts spin. My body twitches, especially the left eyelid.   And then I just want to drool in front of the TV.  If I am lucky, I will pick up a book.

But write?

It seems easier to call up a friend and vent.

Writing down those erratic thoughts can make my hand cramp.  And for the story I’ve been working on for three months?  Well, that is just about as disjointed as a bad sitcom.

But writing down those troubled thoughts in the privacy of the page makes you face the truth, whatever shape and size it is.  No matter how ugly it is. Truth is truth.  Mostly.

I need to be calm when I sit down to write.

Life needs to be somewhat neat and organized for me to punch words onto a page.

That’s what middle age has done to me.  Slowed me down.  But maybe that’s what’s supposed to happen anyway.

So dear audience, tell me how you do it.  How do you write when your life is enveloped in chaos?  Love to hear from you!

Happy Writing,

JMonell